Home Alone: The Final Destination
by Scotty Dangerously
Summary: This is a story about when the McCallisters try to cheat death, while trying to get back home to Kevin McCallister.
1. Chapter 1

**Home Alone: The Final Destination**

This is a crossover between "Home Alone," a family comedy, and "Final Destination," a horror film where victims try to cheat death. This is about when the McCallisters mistakenly leave Kevin home alone, and they try to fight against death after avoiding explosion of the plane to Paris, France. Will the McCallisters ever get to the Kevin at home before Death kills them? Sit tight and find out.

**Chapter 1: Kevin's Bad-ass Attitude**

It all started all the McCallisters were packing up for their trip to Paris, France. Everyone packed up, except Kevin. However, Kevin went crazy in excitement when the pizza man came over.

"Ok, the total is $120. That's 12 pizzas times ten," said the pizza man.

"I'll take those to the dining room while my brother pays for them here," said Uncle Frank.

"Pizza! Pizza!" shouted Kevin.

Kevin wanders around the dining room and kitchen looking for plain cheese pizza.

"Did someone order any plain cheese?" said Kevin

"You want any? Someone's gonna have to barf it all up because they ate it all," said Buzz with a mouthful of pizza.

"Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi!" said Aunt Leslie

Buzz chokes on the pizza to death.

"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH! SOMEBODY CALL 911! BUZZ HAS CHOKED TO DEATH!" Kate shouted hysterically.

Then, Kevin flashed back to reality staring angrily at Buzz. Kevin hears Aunt Leslie shout again, "Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi!"

Kevin angrily pushes Buzz on the counter to save his life, causing the drinks to spill on the counter. Buzz spits out the pizza. Everyone else ends up making a mess on the table, distracted from Kevin's bad move on Buzz.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" shouted Kate.

"Buzz was about to choke to death on my stolen plain cheese pizza. He knows that I hate sausage and olives and onions-" complained Kevin

"Look what you did you little shit!" yelled Uncle Frank, while wiping the mess off his pants.

Everyone looked at Kevin with disgusted looks on their faces.

"Kevin, get upstairs right now," said Kate.

"Why?" protested Kevin.

"Kevin, you're such a disease," says Jeff.

"Fuck you, asshole," said Kevin.

"Watch your mouth, young man. Now get upstairs," said Peter.

"Say goodnight, Kevin," said Kate.

"Goodnight, Kevin," said Kevin sarcastically.

Kate drags Kevin into the hallway.

"Why do I always get treated like scum?" said Kevin.

Kate pays the pizza man and drags Kevin upstairs to the attic door.

"There are fifteen people in this house and you're the only one who makes trouble. Now get upstairs," demanded Kate.

"I am upstairs, bitch," said Kevin.

Kate opened the door to the attic.

"I am not gonna have that disrespect in my house. Now get in the attic," said Kate.

"But it's scary up there," said Kevin.

"Then, I'll bring in Fuller to sleep with you," said Kate.

"I can't sleep with him. He'll wet the bed. He'll pee all over me. i know it," said Kevin.

"Fine, we'll put him somewhere else," answered Kate.

"I'm sorry," said Kevin.

"It's too late. Get upstairs," said Kate.

"Everyone in this family hates me," said Kevin.

"Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family," said Kate.

"I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Fuck families!" said Kevin.

"I will not have this family taken in vain. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night," said Kate.

"I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't

want to see anyone else either," said Kevin

"I hope that you don't mean that. You'd be one sad fucked up little man if you woke up

tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family," said Kate

"No I wouldn't," answered Kevin.

"Then say it again. Maybe it will happen," said Kate

"I hope that I never see any of you dumb-asses again!" shouted Kevin.

Kevin walks up into the attic as his mother closes the door.

As Kevin lied down on the bed, he thought: "I wish they would all

just disappear."

_Could Kevin be granting his family a big death wish? Could something drive his siblings and his parents to the point where they can't cheat death? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Terror at the Airport**

8am in the morning, the airport van driver knocked on the front door and rang the bell repeatedly. Suddenly, Kate slowly woke up and then, jumped up and shouted, "Peter!"

"Holy shit! Are we late for the plane?" shouted Peter.

"We will be late if we don't wake the family up now!" shouted Kate.

"Then, let's wake them up now!" shouted Peter

All the McCallisters frantically ran through the house as they were preparing for the

airport.

Meanwhile, a boy walked towards the van from across the street.

"Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. I live across the street," he said as he talked to a man packing luggage into one of the vans. "You guys going out of town? We're going to Orlando, Florida. Do you know that the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold there? Do you know if these vans get good mileage?"

"Gee kid, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Hit the road," answered the driver.

In the McCallister house, everybody was still hustling for the airport.

"Heather, do a head count. Make sure that everyone is in the vans, while I fetch the passports and tickets," ordered Kate.

"Yes, ma'am," responded Heather.

Outside the house, Mitch was sitting in a van throwing more bullshit to the driver. "How fast does this thing go? Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have four wheel drive?"

"Look," said the driver, "I told you before kid, don't bother me. Now fuck off!"

Children exited from the house and lined up in front of the vans. Mitch was inside one of the vans. He opened up one of the traveling cases, took out a camera, and took a photo of the inside of the van.

"Wow," said Mitch.

Heather took a head count and includes Mitch, whose back is to her. Heather thought Mitch was Kevin. In the meantime, Buzz was being a dick, distracting Heather by calling out random numbers as she is trying to count.

"Half in this van, half in this van," ordered Heather.

Mitch exited the van. "Have a good trip. Bring me back something French," he said as he walked away.

Kate, Peter, Uncle Frank, and Aunt Leslie exited the house, and Peter locked it up. Frank and Leslie went in one van and Kate went in the other van.

"Heather, did you count heads?" asked Kate.

"Eleven including me. Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge and a pear tree," answered Heather.

They drove away from the house.

Peter, Kate and family ran through the airport terminal towards the gate from which their plane is departing.

"Hold the plane," yelled Peter.

"Did we miss the flight?" asked Kate.

"No, you just made it. Take whatever is free," replies the attendant.

As the McCallisters board the plane, all the children struggled to find their seats in first-class. Buzz stood around frozen, not knowing which seat would be comfortable for him. Though, he feared a bit about the plane exploding on take-off. Megan and Linnie walked to Buzz, and stood with their arms folded.

"Buzz, don't just stand there with you finger up your ass. Just pick a fucking seat already," complained Megan.

Buzz chose to sit down in the empty seat near him, which was next to an morbidly obese woman.

"Oh great," thought Buzz, "I have to sit next to fucking Miss Piggy."

When all the McCallisters took the seats, Peter and Kate had a peaceful conversation.

"Glad, we made it. Thank God," sighed Kate.

"At least, this plane is not gonna be hijacked by terrorists," said Peter.

Kate laughed and then said, "Paris, France, here we come!"

After Peter and Kate sat in silence for a minute, Kate said, "I hope we didn't forget anything."

Meanwhile back in the McCallister house, Kevin woke up, and went to the bathroom. Then, he went to the kitchen, and turned on the TV. Kevin watched the TV for a minute. Then, he shut off the TV and said, "Mom?"

Meanwhile, the plane took off. Kate and Peter had their breakfast meals served, just like everyone else in the first class session.

"Damn," said Peter with a mouthful of bacon, "All this rushing around sure made me hungry."

"Made me hungry, too," said Kate.

Kate sipped her champagne, and all of a sudden, she heard a strange damaging sound of the plane. A wing engine blew out, and a big hole blew out in the middle of one front side. Uncle Frank, Aunt Leslie, and their five children, Rod, Tracy, Sondra, Fuller, and Brooke, got themselves killed in the explosion, and their corpses fell out of the plane. All the passengers screamed.

"AUUUUUUUGHHH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" screamed Kate.

"Sit tight, Kate. We'll think of something," panicked Peter.

The other front side blew out, and Peter, Kate, and three of their children fell out of the plane. Buzz and Heather were the only surviving McCallisters left. As Heather was struggling to hold on to the hanging broken seat, she shouted, "Gimme a hand, Buzz."

Buzz used his bacon-greased right hand to help Heather up. Because Buzz didn't wash the grease off his hands, he ended up letting go of Heather. Heather fell out of the plane screaming. Then, Buzz tumbled, and fell out of the plane screaming. Finally, the rest of the plane blew up.

Buzz recovered from the premonition of the plane explosion. Then, Buzz saw Megan and Linnie looking angry at him again, and heard Megan complain again, "Buzz, don't just stand there with you finger up your ass. Just pick a fucking seat already."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH!" shouted Buzz.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Buzz?" Megan angrily said.

Buzz ran around back and forth yelling, cussing, and warning everyone about the plane.

"ALL OF YOU PASSENGERS, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLANE! IF THIS PLANE TAKES OFF, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" shouted Buzz.

Jeff jumped up and did an outburst.

"You psychopathic chicken shit!" Jeff shouted.

Buzz punched Jeff right in the eye, as the flight attendant called security to remove the outraged McCallisters from the plane.

"Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on here?" shouted Uncle Frank, as his wife, Leslie, and his five children followed him.

As Peter, Kate, and their four children, Buzz, Jeff, Megan, and Linnie, stood in front of Frank, Leslie, and their five children, Kate angrily said, "You think Buzz is crazy? Well, in that case, we, the family, had better get off the plane, and we'll figure out what the hell is going on."

"Buzz could be right. there may be something wrong with this plane," said Heather, who is Uncle Rob's cousin. (Uncle Rob is not included in this story)

"How do you know, Heather? I don't remember Buzz being psychic," Kate said.

The security came in, and took all the McCallisters out of the plane. While the plane took off, all the McCallisters sat in their seats in front of the security and police officers.

"I got a very bad feeling we forgot something," said Kate.

After Kate realized about Kevin, she shouted, "KEVIN!"

Suddenly, the plane exploded, and Kate passed out.

Buzz stood up in front of the McCallisters and said, "See, I told you that this plane was going to explode."

"Sir, shut up and sit down, or I will have you arrested," said a police officer.

_Will Kate ever figure out that Kevin is actually alive at home? Will the Buzz and the McCallisters ever explain to law enforcement about how they possibly avoided a plane explosion? Will the cops find out that Kevin is home alone? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: A Deading and a Funeral**

The chapter title is similar to _Four Weddings and a Funeral_. Anyways, Kevin fixed himself a big-ass ice cream sundae at 11am in the morning. Talk about a risk of diabetes, which does worse to your health than a heaping plate of bacon and eggs. Kevin put the sundae on the coffee table in the living room, and inserted an unrated version of _Angels with Filthy Souls _into the blu-ray player. It's funny how Peter and Kate never chose to set up those stupid parental controls on the player to prevent underage kids from watching R-rated films and shit. So Kevin sat down with the sundae and big napkin on his lap, and pressed play on the blu-ray player controller. Kevin started watching the blu-ray movie, and noticed Snakes knocking on Johnny's door.

"Who is it?" asked Johnny.

Snakes came inside of Johnny's office.

"It's me, Snakes. I got the shit," said Snakes.

"Leave it on the doorstep and get the fuck outta here," demanded Johnny.

"But what about my goddamn money?" protested Snakes.

"What goddamn money?" said Johnny.

"A.C. said you had some dough for me," said Snakes

"Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?" asked Johnny

"A.C. said 10%," said Snakes

"Too fucking bad. A.C. ain't in charge no more. He'll call you when he gets out," said Johnny

Kevin shouted, "Guys, I'm fucking myself up with diabetes, and watching bullshit. You better come stop me, you trash-eating shit-bag retards."

"Hey, I tell you what I'm going to do, you thieving son of a bitch," said Johnny as he picked up his Tommy gun, "I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to git your stupid dumb-shit goddamn motherfucking yellow keister off my property before I kill the living shit out of you and watch you burn in fucking hell!"

"Alright, Johnny," responded Snakes, "I'm sorry. I'm getting the fuck outta here."

"One...two...ten!" shouted Johnny

Johnny gunned down Snakes, laughing and gloating as he was watching him die. All that shooting made a giant puddle of blood come out of Snakes.

"Keep the change, you fucking asshole," said Johnny with an evil grin.

Kevin became frightened and yelled out for his mother. "Mom!"

Meanwhile in the private security conference room at the airport, all the McCallisters were sitting around the big table feeling down.

"Heather, are you really sure that Kevin went with us on the plane?" asked Kate.

"I'm pretty sure, Aunt Kate," answered Heather, "The last time I saw him, he was inside the van snooping inside a gym bag playing with picture cameras and stuff. That was when i was counting heads."

Heather still doesn't know that was actually Mitch Murphy snooping in the gym bag, instead of Kevin McCallister.

"What kind of a mother am I?" cried Kate, "Nobody in this family would ever murder him for being a troublemaker."

Kate cried on Peter's shoulder.

"It's not the end of the world, Kate," said Peter, "I'm pretty sure Kevin is still alive."

Two FBI agents, Schreck and Weine, came into the conference room, and showed their badges in front of the McCallisters.

"Ma'am, I'm afraid we have some bad news," Schreck said to Kate, "Weine and I believe that Kevin is dead."

"KEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIN!" screamed Kate.

Kate fell on the floor crying, and Peter picked Kate up back to her seat.

"Don't worry, guys," said Peter, "I will take care of this. She is my wife, and she's just in an emotional state of shock."

"If you excuse Weine and I," said Schreck, "We're gonna take your son, Buzz, into a private room for questioning."

"Not if they grow on my ass," shouted Buzz.

"It's nothing bad," Weine told Buzz, "You did not break the law. We just want to have an important discussion."

The agents took Buzz out of the conference room, and took him into a private room.

"How did you know that the plane was going to explode? Are you really psychic?" asked Schreck.

"I don't know how I sensed the explosion," answered Buzz, "I haven't been on a plane since I was four years old. When I was four, I noticed that a passenger drowned his head in a toilet on a plane. I screamed and went hysterical to my mom and dad."

"What the hell does that have to do with your prediction of the explosion?" asked Schreck angrily, "I just want to know how you knew about the explosion."

Buzz answered, "Maybe it was because last night, my brother, Kevin, threw a fit all over me, suspecting that I stole his plain cheese pizza and ate it all. How the fuck do I know that he hates sausage and olives and-"

Schreck slammed his file folder on the table and complained, "How does your brother's pizza obsession connect with the plane explosion?"

Buzz sat around there looking frozen, and then he suddenly figured out something.

"Well, I may not be psychic," said Buzz, "But maybe it's because the word "plane," which is the vehicle that exploded, sounds the same as "plain," which was the kind of pizza my brother liked."

"So you're saying that it's homophones that caused your prediction?" asked Schreck.

"Something like that, sir," answered Buzz, "That kinda gets me to believe that Kevin saved me from choking to death on the plain cheese pizza, before I saved myself and others, except Kevin, from the plane explosion."

"The plain cheese pizza and the plane explosion sound like a coincidence to me," said Schreck.

Schreck turned to Weine and said, "Come on, Weine. Let's put Buzz back in the conference room"

The agents put Buzz into the conference room, and then announced a hotel reservation at a nearby airport hotel for the McCallisters. They spent one night there.

The next morning, the McCallisters arrived at Kevin's so-called funeral. They all gathered around the empty coffin, which was located in front of Kevin's gravestone

"Kevin was a good member of the McCallister family," said the priest named Father Luther (played by James Earl Jones), "may he rest in peace and may we all pay respects to his soul in heaven. Ladies and gentlemen, Buzz will do the honors with his funeral speech."

Buzz walked right in front of the family, and started reading his speech script.

"My brother, Kevin," said Buzz, "was such a smart and loyal kid to the family, especially as a son to our parents. Despite the fact that he has been living with us on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, we thought that nothing even remotely dangerous would ever happen. But what is worse than the death of Kevin is Death trying to kill the rest of this family. Period."

"That was very good, Buzz," said Father Luther, "Now, we shall lower the coffin. May God have mercy on Kevin's soul."

The gravedigger pressed the button on the coffin machine, and the coffin was elevated slowly to the bottom of the ditch. All the McCallisters covered the coffin with the dirt from the dug-up dirt pile.

All the McCallisters went back into the vans to return to the hotel. Before Buzz became the last passenger to enter a van, Schreck interrupted Buzz and said, "You better be careful. Death could come to try to kill you or any other member of this family."

_I thought it would be cool to cast James Earl Jones as the priest, but this chapter looks like Kevin has faked his death, without knowing it. Too bad, there's no funeral for Snakes. In other words, the deading is for Snakes and the funeral is for Kevin. Will the Buzz and the McCallisters ever figure out a way to cheat death? Will they ever find out that Kevin is actually alive and home alone? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Double Dare & Death**

In the very early afternoon, Marv and Harry parked their van in the driveway in front of Mitch Murphy's unoccupied house. When Harry got out of the van, he picked up the newspaper and read the headline article about the so-called death of Kevin.

"Hey, Marv, get a load of this shit," said Harry.

"What's it all about? The Chicago Chainsaw Massacre?" said Marv sarcastically.

"No, dumb-ass, it claims that a kid named Kevin McCallister died in a plane explosion," answered Harry, "Plus, the article mentions that the remaining McCallisters are spending time at an airport hotel til the end of Christmas Day."

"I see. So what does this all mean?" asked Marv.

"It means that we're gonna break into the McCallisters' empty house tonight, and steal as much valuable shit as we can," answered Harry.

"Can't we do it right now?" asked Marv.

"No, you fucking dickhead, we have to hit this one house first," angrily said Harry.

"Right now?" asked Marv.

"No, tomorrow," said Harry sarcastically, "I mean now! Let's break into this goddamn fucking house now! Then tonight, we'll hit the McCallisters.' Is that a deal?"

"I guess a deal is a deal," said Marv.

"Ok," said Harry, "Let's get in there."

Meanwhile at the hotel, the McCallisters are continuing with their leisure time at a grand hotel suite. As Uncle Frank was passing out some fried shrimp to the McCallisters, Aunt Leslie commanded Frank to put the shrimp back onto the buffet table. Fuller followed Frank, and cleverly injected some Turbo Lax into a couple of shrimp. Frank snuck up a couple of those spiked shrimps, and crammed them all in his mouth.

"Frank," called Leslie.

"Yeah," answered Frank, after swallowing the shrimp.

"We have to go pick up a bottle of champagne from the liquor store and then, we have to pick up a fruit cake from the grocery store," requested Leslie.

"Alright, we'll get them," said Frank, "Leslie, you and the kids come with me in my rental van."

Frank, Leslie, and their five kids went into the van, and drove to the liquor store. Frank and Leslie decided to leave the kids in the car, because underage kids would not be allowed in the liquor store. As Frank and Leslie went into the store, they became fascinated with all the country style decorations. As Frank was walking around the wine aisle, he had this funny feeling in his stomach that he needed to go to the bathroom right away. It was because of the shrimp he ate earlier. Frank ran to the cashier.

"Do you know where the bathroom is?" said Frank with a frustration. "I have to go number two"

"Here's your bathroom key, sir," said the cashier, "The bathroom is outside on the back of this store."

Frank ran out of the store, and then around to the bathroom. After he locked the door, he pulled his pants down, sat on the toilet, and made a diarrhea explosion. Frank suddenly felt a rectal bleeding. Twenty minutes later, he got off the toilet and tried to flush it. Suddenly, toilet water gushed out and got Frank all wet with the shitty water.

As Frank walked out of the bathroom, a truck driver mindlessly let his truck out of control that it crashed into the bathroom door, crushing Frank to death. The driver came out, and he was revealed to be a bearded convict, who escaped from a state prison.

Meanwhile inside the liquor store, Leslie was worried about Frank.

"What the hell is taking Frank so long?" yelled Leslie.

"Calm down, lady," responded the cashier, "your husband will be back at any minute."

The bearded convict came in with a stolen shotgun and shouted, "Nobody move! This a stick-up! Gimme all your fucking money, and don't do anything stupid."

The convict threw the bag to the cashier, and put a gun to Leslie's head.

"Into the bag or fat bitch gets it!" commanded the convict.

The cashier emptied all the money from the cash register, put it all into the bag, and passed it to the convict. The convict shot Leslie in the head, and ran off with the money and Frank's car keys.

The convict went into Frank's rental van, and pointed the gun to Frank's kids.

"You're coming with me, kids," shouted the convict, "If anyone jumps out of this car, they will get shot."

Fuller ended up wetting his pants and cried, "I just wet my pants."

"Shut the fuck up, kid," demanded the convict, "Not another word out of any of you."

As the convict drove the stolen van away from the store, the cashier called the cops. A few minutes later, the cops pulled the convict over.

"Step out of the vehicle with your hands up," the cop said through the bullhorn.

The convict mindlessly forgot to shift the gear to keep the van in the parking spot, and came out with his hands up.

"Now get on the ground," commanded the cop.

As the cop was putting the convict in handcuffs, the van rolled down the grassy hill and flipped over a few times til it got crushed on the ground. Then, the van exploded, and got all the kids killed in the explosion.

"What the fuck!" said the cop, as he watched the explosion.

A few minutes later, the remaining McCallisters noticed a news flash on TV about the deaths of Frank and Leslie at a liquor store, the deaths of Frank and Leslie's kids in a car explosion, and the capture of the escaped convict who kidnapped the kids. Frank sat down depressed with his hands on his head, as Kate was petting his back.

"That was my brother, his wife, and their kids," cried Peter, "Maybe we should've ordered the champagne instead of ordering my brother to pick it up from a store."

"It's ok, Peter," cried Kate, "Nobody else is going to die."

"How can you be sure, Mom?" asked Buzz.

Peter and Kate looked at Buzz, and Buzz hesitated for a minute.

"In my premonition," explained Buzz, "The first group of victims who have died on the plane, were Uncle Frank, Aunt Leslie, and their five kids. The second group of victims were you, Dad, Megan, Linnie, and Jeff. The last group of victims were Heather and I. This means that one of you members of the second group is next. If a robber has purposely shot Aunt Leslie in the head, this means 'kill or be killed'"

"So what are you trying to say, Buzz?" asked Peter, "We should go on a killing spree, instead of a shopping spree?"

"No, dad, this is a family, not a mafia," answered Buzz.

"Then, how the hell can we cheat death?" asked Peter.

"I guess we'll have to remain in this hotel til the end of Christmas, so the Christmas ghost of death would just disappear," guessed Buzz.

_The double dare is for Marv and Harry, because they mean double trouble, and the death in this chapter is for Uncle Frank and his wife and kids. Will the surviving McCallisters fight against death to avenge the deaths of the first victims? Are Marv and Harry going to actually break into the house shortly after breaking into Mitch Murphy's? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Suspicion**

Marv and Harry has just robbed Mitch Murphy's house. As Harry got back into the van, Marv made a stupid decision of plugging the kitchen sink faucets with sink plugs and shit, and then, chose to leave the water running. Marv got back to the van with a stupid grin on his face.

"What's so funny, Marv?," asked Harry.

Marv ignored the question, spit out the gum, and used it to glue one of the snow globes to the dashboard.

"You did it again, didn't you?" said Harry, "What the fuck! I told you not to leave the goddamn water running and shit!"

"Oh come on, Harry," responded Marv, "No water is gonna drown the shit out of us. We're the Wet Bandits!"

Meanwhile Kevin walked out of the house with the money he took from Buzz's room. He was feeling guilty that he climbed Buzz's shelves and wrecked them.

"I can't believe I wrecked Buzz's room to get money for Burger King," said Kevin, "Buzz is gonna have my legs broke when he finds the mess in his room."

As Marv and Harry were about to drive out of the Murphys' driveway, Kevin walked through the front of the driveway. Then, Harry put on the brakes to stop the van from running over Kevin, and Kevin screamed. As Kevin walked forward a few inches on the sidewalk, Harry rolled down the window to lecture Kevin.

"Hey, kid," said Harry, "You need to watch for traffic."

"Sorry," responded Kevin.

"You don't want to end up in the funeral parlor this holiday season," said Marv.

"Just be more careful. Ok, kid?" asked Harry.

"Ok," answered Kevin, "I'll be more careful."

"Have a nice day," said Harry, "By the way, Merry Christmas."

As Harry smiled with his gold tooth glinting in the sunlight, Kevin got suspicious at Harry and Marv. Kevin was running as fast as he could all the way to church, while Marv and Harry were following him with their van.

"Damn, I think we lost him, Marv," said Harry.

"Isn't he the kid we saw in the newspaper this morning?" asked Marv. "He sure looks familiar."

"I don't know, Marv," answered Harry, "But we'll check the McCallisters' house for sure tonight."

As Kevin saw Marv and Harry disappear away from the church, Kevin decided to go home.

"Actually, I'm not gonna stop at Burger King," said Kevin, "I'm gonna go home and order some pizza from Domino's tonight."

Meanwhile back at the airport hotel, Megan and Linnie changed into their swimsuits to go out for a swim at an indoor pool. That was while Buzz was watching Family Guy on the TV while consuming Cheetos, Twinkies, and a big can of Red Bull. Peter and Kate have decided to go to the supermarket to buy the shit that Uncle Frank and his wife and kids were not able to buy. As Megan and Linnie walked to the front door with their towels, Buzz turned to them.

"If mom and dad asks you where we are," said Megan, "Tell them we are at the indoor pool."

"Yeah, whatever," responded Buzz with a mouthful of Cheetos.

Megan and Linnie walked out the door and went to the indoor pool. Little did they know that the pool was contaminated with chlorine. They dived into the pool and swam around for a couple of minutes.

"Phew," said Megan, "Did you put on too much perfume?"

"Hell no," said Linnie, "I would never put on perfume before swimming."

Linnie stepped out of the pool and went on the diving board, and dived into the pool. As she accidentally opened her eyes underwater, her eyes were burning and bleeding. She was screaming, and Megan tried to bring her up to the surface. But it was too late. Because of the chlorine mixing with some liquid from toxic wastes, Linnie's body melted to a skeleton.

Megan frantically jumped out of the pool, and she ran to the hotel lobby screaming. Nobody was there. Megan noticed a note that said, "Will be back in an hour." None of the phones were working, either. Megan ran to the elevator, and went inside. As the elevator went up, it got jammed. So Megan opened the top hatch of the elevator, and climbed out of it. Megan was climbing as high as she could on an elevator cable to the floor, where the McCallisters' suite would be. But once again, it was too late. The elevator cables tore apart, and Megan and the elevator started to fall down at the same time. Megan screamed as she fell down to her death in the elevator shaft. Her dead body splattered a lot of blood.

Meanwhile in the hotel room, Jeff walked out of the shower and looked disgusted at Buzz, who was eating like a pig in front of the TV.

"Okay, where the fuck are Megan and Linnie?" angrily asked Jeff.

"Well, they told me they went swimming at an indoor pool," answered Buzz.

"Don't just sit there with you thumbs up your ass," demanded Jeff, "Let's find out what is up with those girls, Cartman."

"Okay, I'll go with you, Kyle, you fucking Jew," sarcastically said Buzz.

"Do I look Jewish to you?" asked Jeff.

"Come on, you too, Heather," Jeff said to Heather, who walked out of her bedroom.

"Ok, whatever," responded Heather.

Buzz, Jeff, and Heather ran to the elevator and noticed that it was out of order. Then, they went to the stairs, and climbed down to the first floor. As they went to the indoor pool room, they noticed a skeleton in the contaminated pool. As Buzz looked at the dead body, he vomited on the floor.

"You did not puke on the floor," shouted Jeff.

"Sorry, Jeff," said Buzz, "But I've never actually seen a dead body in person before."

"Maybe Buzz is right," said Heather, "He never actually seen a dead body before."

An elevator repair man came to Buzz, Jeff, and Heather.

"Guys, I found a dead body on the top of the broken elevator. I believe it's one of your sisters," said the repair man.

The man called 911, and the cops, paramedics, and firemen came into the hotel. As Peter and Kate arrived at the parking lot with fruit cake and champagne, they were shocked to see the police cars and other vehicles parked in front of the hotel. Buzz, Jeff, and Heather walked out of the hotel and tried to explain about the deadly incidents at the hotel.

"You were stuffing your face with fatty snacks while obsessing with Family Guy and shit, you fat fuck," Jeff shouted at Buzz.

"Shut the fuck up, Jeff," shouted Buzz, "I think that it's Death's fault that Megan and Kinnie died."

"Guys, will you stop your fucking trash talk?" shouted Heather.

"All of you, quiet down," commanded Peter, "I think it's better we walk safely back to our hotel room, and stay there til Christmas Day so not another one of us die."

"How are we gonna have Christmas dinner?" asked Kate.

"I'll pay for room service to bring it up to our hotel room," answered Peter.

"I just can't believe that a couple more of our kids have died," said Kate as she cried on Peter's shoulder.

As the emergency vehicles drove away from the hotel, including the ambulances carrying Megan and Linnie's dead bodies, the remaining McCallisters climbed up the stairs all the way back to their suite.

_It seems that no one has cheated death so far. If Marv and Harry actually ran over Kevin, that would've put Megan or Linnie out of the line of death. But Kevin's death would've been bad anyways. So it's good that Kevin is still alive. Can Kevin actually get away with ordering pizza at underage? Are Marv and Harry actually gonna break into his house? Will the surviving McCallisters actually survive in the suite til Christmas Day without leaving? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Death of a Pizza Man**

The chapter title is a parody of this popular Broadway production _Death of a Salesman_. Anyways, Kevin used a cable to connect his Mac laptop to the surround sound system. He used iTunes to make recordings of lines from the Blu-Ray disc of _Angels with Filthy Souls_. For example, if one of those recording tracks is clicked on the playlist, it would say, "Keep the change, you fucking asshole." Kevin chose to put all the recording tracks in order on the playlist, so he would use the playlist to fool the pizza man into thinking that it's actually a gangster demanding the pizza. Kevin just called up Domino's to order the pepperoni pizza, rather than, what he calls, the disgusting Philly cheese-steak or Hawaiian ham and pineapple pizza. Kevin has convinced Domino's that his dad is in the shower, and that he asked him to order the pizza.

Twenty minutes later, the pizza man from Domino's drove in front of the house, and picked up a note from the front door that said, "Go to the back door, please." As Marv and Harry were peeking behind the bushes spying on the pizza man, the pizza man knocked on the back door.

Kevin clicked on a track on the playlist, making Johnny's voice in the surround system shout, "Who is it?"

"It's Domino's, sir," said the pizza man, "I have your large pepperoni pizza."

"Leave it on the doorstep and get the fuck outta here!" demanded "Johnny."

"Okay," responded the pizza man, "But what about the money?"

"What goddamn money?" asked "Johnny."

"You have to pay for you pizza, sir," answered the pizza man.

"Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?" asked "Johnny."

"That will be...$11.80," answered the pizza man.

Kevin put his hand out the dog flap door, and dropped the $12 on the pizza. As the pizza man picked the money off the pizza box, Kevin clicked on a track, making Johnny shout, "Keep the change, you fucking asshole."

"What a potty-mouth," complained the pizza man.

"Hey, I'll tell you what I'm going to do, you thieving son of a bitch," shouted "Johnny."

"Hey, man, take it easy. I just sold you the pizza," responded the pizza man.

"Johnny" demanded, "I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to git your stupid dumb-shit goddamn motherfucking yellow keister off my property before I kill the living shit out of you and watch you burn in fucking hell!"

"You don't have to be so violent," said the pizza man.

"One...two...ten!" shouted Johnny.

As Kevin was rewinding the machine gun sound effects over and over on the track, the pizza man ran to his car, and drove away. Kevin picked up the pizza, and said, "This lovely pepperoni pizza is just for me." Kevin closed the door behind him, and went to the kitchen to start eating his pizza.

Meanwhile, Marv and Harry went back to their van to make a discussion over the McCallisters' house.

"I don't get it, Harry," said Marv, "Why would that kid have a gangster living in the house?"

"Marv, I think it's better we sit here and find out whether or not the cops get called to the house," said Harry, "Because they sure did scare the shit out of the pizza man."

"Does this also mean we're gonna have to wait til tomorrow to rob that house?" asked Marv.

"I'm afraid so, Marv," answered Harry.

Meanwhile, the pizza man was driving so fast that he accidentally ran over some broke glass, and his car flipped over to the forest and crashed. It took the pizza man a few minutes to struggle his ass out of the car. As the pizza man made it to the road, the car blew up. During the explosion, a flaming tire flew out of the car, and severed the pizza man's head off.

Twenty minutes later, Marv and Harry turned on the radio and heard a report of cops and paramedics discovering that a pizza man had his head cut off.

"Goddamn," said Marv, "A pizza man committing suicide, after being scared off by that gangster."

"No shit, Marv," said Harry, "Now, let's get the fuck to sleep right now. We'll discuss our plans to break into the house tomorrow morning."

Marv and Harry got into their sleeping bags into the back of their van, and said goodnight to each other.

Meanwhile at the airport hotel, the surviving McCallisters also noticed a news report on TV about the death of the pizza man.

"So the death of a pizza man," Buzz explained to Peter, "has put either you, Mom, Jeff, or Heather is out of the line of death. So there are three of you left in the risk of getting killed, before I become the last victim to die."

"You could be right, Buzz," said Peter. "But it really is getting late at night. So we better shut off the TV and go to bed tonight."

So the remaining McCallisters went to bed. Later that late night, Kate had this dream that she came back home to see if Kevin was okay. Kate noticed only the back view of Kevin.

"Kevin? Kevin, are you okay?" asked Kate, "It's ok. I'm you mother. I'm sorry for leaving you in the attic. Please forgive me."

Kevin turned around, and Kate noticed that Kevin lost his face skin from the front of his skull. Suddenly, the kid spoke in a demonic voice.

"You're not my mom," said the undead kid, "You shouldn't have left me in the attic, bitch."

Then, the kid did an evil laugh as Kate ran away screaming, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO MY KID?"

Kate suddenly woke up and screamed, waking the other McCallisters up in the suite.

"Are you alright, Kate?" Peter said, while Buzz, Jeff, and Heather came into the bedroom.

"I just had a horrible nightmare," frantically said Kate.

"About Kevin feeding you to my tarantula?" asked Buzz.

"No, it was about Kevin turning into an undead corpse, being possessed by a demon," said Kate, "I don't know what this means, but I know it doesn't mean that I actually murdered Kevin."

"It's all in you head, Kate," said Peter, "Now, please just go back to sleep. We'll discuss our survival tomorrow morning."

Then, Peter commanded, "Now, all you kids, go back to bed."

Buzz, Jeff, and Heather said, "Yes, sir," and they went back to bed.

_The next chapter will take place on Christmas Eve. I guess the pizza man getting himself killed helped only one of the surviving McCallisters cheat death, but they do not know which one it is. Are Marv and Harry actually going to break into the Kevin's house on the night of Christmas Eve? Will Kevin ever make plans to defend himself against those two bad guys while the other McCallisters do everything they can to cheat death? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Christmas Eve, Part I**

During the morning of Christmas Eve, Marv and Harry stopped at a McDonald's drive-thru to pick up a couple of Egg McMuffins and cups of coffees. After they finished off their breakfast in the van, they started to make plans to break into Kevin's house.

"Alright, Marv," said Harry, "Why don't you go ahead and check on the house?"

"You mean now?" asked Marv.

"No, tomorrow," sarcastically said Harry, "Don't be a fucking chicken shit! Just do it now!"

Marv stepped out of the van. Meanwhile, Kevin started eating his Pop-Tarts in the kitchen. In the middle of his breakfast time, he noticed a figure of a strange man sneaking behind the back door. That strange man was Marv. As Marv attempted to open the door, Kevin, once again, turned on the Blu-Ray disc of _Angels with Filthy Souls_, making it sound like Johnny and Snakes fighting and arguing in the house.

"Get the fuck outta here," demanded Johnny.

"But what about my goddamn money?" protested Snakes.

"What goddamn money?" said Johnny.

"A.C. said you had some dough for me," said Snakes

"Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?" asked Johnny

"A.C. said 10%," said Snakes

"Too fucking bad. A.C. ain't in charge no more," said Johnny, "He's downstairs fucking prostitutes. He'll call you when he gets out."

"Prostitutes?" Mark asked himself, "There's prostitutes in the house?"

"Hey, I tell you what I'm going to do, you thieving son of a bitch," said Johnny as he picked up his Tommy gun.

"Uh oh, this doesn't sound good," said Marv.

Johnny demanded, "I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to git your stupid dumb-shit goddamn motherfucking yellow keister off my property before I kill the living shit out of you and watch you burn in fucking hell!"

"Alright, Johnny," responded Snakes, "I'm sorry. I'm getting the fuck outta here."

Kevin put some firecrackers in a pot, and started fusing them, while hearing Johnny shout, "One...two...ten!"

While the firecrackers were exploding in the pot the same time as Johnny shooting Snakes, Marv was running as fast as he could to the van. When the shooting ended, Kevin moved his mouth, disguising his voice as Johnny's saying, "Keep the change, you fucking asshole."

Marv barged into the van and said, "Harry, you're not going to believe this."

"So what is this bullshit all about?" said Harry.

"It's about this guy named Johnny, who was talking with Snakes about money and some guy fucking prostitutes," answered Marv. "Then, Johnny killed the living shit out of Snakes."

"Isn't Johnny the same guy who scared the shit out of the pizza man last night?" asked Harry.

"I believe so," answered Marv.

"Something sounds really fucked up," said Harry, "Because how can Johnny scare off a pizza man one night, and then kill Snakes the next day? And how can this one kid also have bitches and whores in the house? If there is sex and murder going on in the house, I say we sit here and make sure that no cops are called to the house."

"So we wait til the afternoon to see what the kid is up to?" asked Marv.

"I'm afraid so, Marv," answered Harry.

"Oh fucking great," complained Marv, "We have to spend the whole fucking Christmas in a van full of worthless shit."

"Don't worry, Marv," said Harry, "We'll be rich before we know it this holiday season."

A few hours later, Marv and Harry stepped out of their van to spy on Kevin and his house. They noticed Kevin cutting off a pine tree, which he would make as a Christmas tree. Kevin put the tree into the living room. As he started putting on decorations, he noticed a reflection of Marv and Harry outside the window on a red ornament. Kevin was shocked.

"Dad, can you help me here?" shouted Kevin.

Marv and Harry walked a few feet away from the window.

"Holy fucking shit," said Harry, "That kid is home alone. And you know what else? He's Kevin McCallister, and he's alive."

"So his death on the plane was fake?" asked Marv.

"That's right," answered Harry, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"Shooting a hole through the kid's head?" guessed Marv.

"Not quite," answered Harry, "But we're gonna make plans to break into that house tonight, and make sure Kevin doesn't stop us. Before he tries to stop us, we're gonna make that kid's fake death a real one."

"How are we gonna do that, Harry?" asked Marv.

"Come on, Marv," said Harry, "Let's walk several more feet away from the house and discuss this privately, so the kid is not spying on us."

As Marv and Harry walked very short walk from the house, not knowing that Kevin has found them by the window, Kevin was spying on Marv and Harry's private conversation.

"What do you say that we go pick up some Wendy's at a drive-thru?" asked Harry, "Once we're done with the supper this evening, we will prepare to break into the house, trap the kid, and steal as much shit as we can at 9pm tonight."

"9 o'clock," whispered Kevin, "Oh, fuck me."

"So it's a deal," said Marv.

"A deal is a deal," said Harry.

"Mom," said Kevin, "Where the fuck are you?"

Meanwhile, the McCallisters were singing Christmas Carols in the suite...

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Twelve drummers drumming,

Eleven pipers piping,

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree!"

"Alright, enough of the goddamn singing!" demanded Buzz, "I'm starving, and we got nothing to eat but that shitty fruitcake. Can we have some KFC or something?

"No, Buzz," said Peter, "It is not safe for us to leave this suite til Death has disappeared. So we can't go anywhere. Not to a drive-thru or a grocery store or the lobby to pick up microwaveable dinners."

"We could order Chinese," suggested Kate.

"Fuck Chinese and fuck Italian," shouted Buzz, "Always the same old same old yada yada fucking yada, when it comes to choices for dinner. I'd hate to spend the entire Christmas on the shitter."

"Will you stop complaining, Buzz?" demanded Heather.

"It really is driving me insane," said Jeff.

"All of you, quiet down," demanded Peter.

Everyone sat down in silence for a minute.

"Here's how it goes," explained Peter, "We're gonna order some Chinese, and that is final."

"But we're not Jewish," protested Buzz, "Jews eat Chinese food on Christmas Day."

"Well, it just isn't Christmas Day right now," said Peter, "It's Christmas Eve, and I say it's ok we have Chinese tonight, before we have the traditional Christmas supper tomorrow. Now do we understand each other?"

"Yes, dad," answered Buzz, "Whatever it takes for us to survive."

And so everybody agreed to have Chinese as a Christmas Eve dinner, rather than a Christmas Day dinner.

_Will Kevin figure out a way to defend himself and his house against Marv and Harry? Is another character going to be killed to put another McCallister out of the line of death? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Christmas Eve, Part II**

During the evening of Christmas Eve, Kevin walked out of the house to meet with Santa Claus, go to church, and make a redemption. In the middle of the walk, Kevin met with a volunteer dressed up like Santa, but that volunteer had a suit with a tie, instead of the usual red Christmas Santa suit.

"Excuse me, sir," said Kevin.

"What do you need, kid?" asked the volunteer, "I'm kinda busy, right now."

"My name is Kevin McCallister," said Kevin, "I know you're not Santa, and I am old enough to know what the Santa business is exactly like. However, I do know you work for Santa."

"So what would you like for me to tell Santa?" asked the volunteer.

"Can you please tell Santa that all I want is my family back home?" requested Kevin, "I'm talking about my brothers, my sisters, and my parents. I really didn't mean to cuss them out or make them disappear the other day, but I just want them home for Christmas."

"Alright," responded the volunteer, "I'll tell Santa you want you're family back in town."

"Thank you, sir," said Kevin, "If you excuse me, I have to go to church."

"Wait a minute," said the volunteer, "Before you go, I'd like to give you a few of my Tic-Tacs."

The volunteer dropped a few Tic-Tacs into Kevin's hand, and Kevin thanked him.

"Please don't spoil your supper," said the volunteer, "And Merry Christmas, Kevin."

"Merry Christmas to you, too, sir," responded Kevin.

The volunteer got back into his car, and started to drive. Suddenly, he crashed on the curb near a fire hydrant, and got out. Then, the fire hydrant blasted off like a rocket, and it fell down and severed the volunteer's head off. While that guy got killed, Kevin did not look back while walking straight to church.

As Kevin entered the church, he noticed a choir singing Christmas Carols in the sanctuary. Kevin thought he was the only one showing up, until he noticed Old Man Marley walking to him.

"Merry Christmas," Marley greeted to Kevin, "Would you mind if I sat next to you?"

"Not at all," answered Kevin."

Marley sat down next to Kevin. Kevin was explaining to Marley about the negative shit he pulled in front of the family in the past, and how he wished to have his family back. Marley suggested to Kevin that he should do a good deed. Marley also introduced his daughter in the choir to Kevin. Then, Marley admitted that he wants to see his whole family back in town, too.

"It has been great talking to you," said Kevin, "I better get going now."

"Merry Christmas, Kevin," said Marley.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Marley," said Kevin while walking his way out of the sanctuary.

As the church bells rang at 8pm, Kevin started running his way back to his house to set up the burglar traps. When Kevin went inside the house, he said, "This is my house, I must defend it."

Meanwhile, Marv and Harry went to a Wendy's drive-thru to pick up burgers, fries, and shakes. As they left the drive-thru, two bounty hunters (played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Vin Diesel), inside the dining area of Wendy's, noticed Marv and Harry's van driving away.

"That van looks familiar," said Harold (played by The Rock), "Do you have any idea who it belongs to, Ro?"

"I have no idea," said Ron (played by Vin Diesel).

Kevin spent an hour making all those traps in the house, like the blow torch attached to the back door, Micro Machines miniature toy cars on the floor in front of the stairs, Christmas ornaments as a tripping hazard in front of the Christmas tree, etc.

With a few minutes left for Marv and Harry to break into the house, they finished off their food and left the van. Meanwhile, Kevin heated up a couple pieces of leftover pizza from Domino's. He put the plate of pizza with a can of Pepsi on the dining room table. After Kevin said his prayers over the dinner, the clock rang at 9pm. Suddenly, Kevin ran to the back door with his BB gun, and watched Marv and Harry show up. Harry knocked on the door.

"Merry Christmas, little fella," said Harry, "We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone."

"Yeah, come on, kid, open up," said Marv, "It's Santy Claus... and his elf! And Jesus, too!"

"We're not gonna hurt you," lied Harry, "Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you."

Below the bad guys' heads, Kevin slowly pushed the barrel of the air rifle through the doggy door and took aim at Harry's groin.

"Be a good little fella now, and open the door," said Harry

Kevin shot Harry in the groin.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOO...SHIT!" shouted Harry.

Cursing fluently under his breath, Harry hopped around holding his crotch, and fell to his knees.

"What? What happened?" asked Marv

"GET THE FUCKING KID! GET THE FUCKING KID!" demanded Harry.

Marv went back, and stuck his head through the doggy door. Then, he saw Kevin laying on his belly on the floor, aiming the air rifle right between his eyes. Marv smiled lamely.

"Fuck you, asshole," said Kevin.

Then, Kevin shot Marv in the head.

"AH! AHHH...!" shouted Marv, as he fell out of the doggy door, clutching his face.

"Yes! Yes! Yes-yes-yes-yes!" shouted Kevin.

"That kid is armed like a motherfucker!" shouted Marv.

"That's it, that's it!" shouted Harry, "I'm getting the fuck to the front, you get the fuck down to the basement!"

Harry stormed off, while swearing under his breath.

Meanwhile at the airport hotel, the McCallisters were eating Chinese food while watching the news. On the news, they noticed the death that happened earlier to the Santa guy. They also noticed a report about two wanted fugitives named Marv and Harry.

"So it's two people, who have been killed so far," said Buzz, "A pizza man and a Santa Claus, but it ain't the real Santa."

"No shit, Buzz," said Jeff, "If Santa was dead, there would be no Christmas."

"So if two people have been killed, then that saves two of us from Death," said Buzz, "But that still doesn't tell us who will live or who will die before I'm the last one. Maybe those two fugitives would die, before I become the only victim."

"It's impossible, Buzz," said Peter, "I believe that they're gonna end up in prison really soon, rather than Death."

"I guess you're right, Dad," said Buzz.

_Though two of the five remaining McCallisters have cheated death so far, there are only three McCallisters left in the line of death. In the meantime, Kevin is gonna battle against Marv and Harry in the next chapter. But will Kevin ever get those bad guys caught and arrested before they kill him? Will the McCallisters ever find out that Kevin is alive? Will they ever get back home on time to Kevin without getting themselves killed? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Christmas Eve, Part III**

Just a reminder of the cameos: Harold is played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Ron is played by Vin Diesel.

So far, Kevin set all the traps in the house, as mentioned in the previous chapter. Marv went to the outside basement stairs. As Marv started climbing down the stairs, he slipped all the way to the basement door, because Kevin poured cold water all over the stairs, which would freeze and make the stairs icy and slippery.

As Harry started climbing the stairs to the front door of the house, he slipped on them and fell on his back. A minute later, Marv got up, and spread his legs between the stair walls to avoid slipping again. Marv opened the basement door, and went inside the basement. As Marv pulled the string to the light bulb to turn on the light, it became loose and made a strange sound. The sound came from an iron falling down the chute. As Marv looked up to the chute, the iron fell out and hit Marv on the head.

On the front side of the house, Harry was using the railing to climb the stairs to the front door. As he made it to the front door, he put his left hand on the front knob, which was heated by a barbequer. Then, Harry got his hand burned by the knob. Harry fell down the stairs, and put his burning hand into the snow to cool it down. Kevin shouted, "Yeah! In your face, motherfucker!"

Recovering from being smashed in the face by the iron, Marv got up and attempted to climb the stairs, which were covered by tar, to the first floor door. As Marv climbed up the stairs, he end up losing his shoes and socks, and they got stuck to the sticky, tarred stairs. As Marv put his right bare foot on a nail, which was attached to the sticky step, Marv screamed and fell on his back. He shouted, "Ow! Goddamn fucking nail!"

Harry walked from the front side of the house to the back door. As Harry touched the knob of the back door, he was relieved that the knob was not tampered. When Harry opened the door, he got his head burned by the blowtorch, which was attached to the door. As Harry got his head on fire, he screamed and ran a few feet away, and he dunked his head into the snow to cool it down.

"I'm gonna get that fucking kid, if this is the last fucking thing I do!" shouted Harry.

Marv got out of the basement, and walked barefoot to one of the other sides of the house. As Marv stepped into the window, he made it inside the house. When Marv took one step, he accidentally stepped on a Christmas ornament his right bare foot, and fell down on his ass.

"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!" shouted Marv as he was rubbing his hurt foot, "There will be hell for that kid to pay!"

Harry got off the ground, and walked to the back door. Harry kicked the back door open, making the blowtorch fall down. As Harry went inside the house and slammed the door behind him, he shouted, "Where the fuck are you, ya little shit?"

Harry went to the dining room door, and knocked hard on it.

"I'm really fucking scared to shit," sarcastically said Kevin.

"It's too fucking late for that, kid," shouted Harry, "Wait til I shove my foot up your ass!"

"Come and get me, butt-wipe!" demanded Kevin.

Harry kicked open the dining room door, went inside, and got glue on his face, which was from the plastic wrap stretched from the wall. Harry got the tampered plastic wrap out of his face. Then, Harry accidentally stepped on a yarn string, which was attached to a fan with a pile of pillow feathers. The fan turned on, and blew the feathers all over Harry, making him look like he's dressed up like a chicken. Harry met with Marv in the dining room, and they looked at each other disgustedly.

"Why the fuck did you take your shoes off?" asked Harry.

"Why the fuck are you dressed up like a chicken?" asked Marv.

"Hey guys," shouted Kevin in the middle of the house stairs, "Get your asses over here!"

As Marv and Harry attempted to get to the stairs, they slipped on the Micro Machines on the wooden floor.

"You guys had enough shit beaten outta you?" Kevin asked the bad guys, "Or do you wanna fuck with me some more?'

"I'll tell you when we had enough bullshit, you fucking little brat!" shouted Harry.

As Marv and Harry started climbing the stairs, Kevin brought down a paint can attached to a string, and let it swing. Harry shouted, "Heads up!", and Marv got hit on the head with the paint can. Then, Kevin hit Harry on the head with the second paint can. After Harry landed on top of Marv, Harry noticed that he lost his gold tooth.

Kevin ran to his parents' room to call the cops on the bad guys. He pretended to be Mitch Murphy, and pretended that the bad guys were at Mitch's house.

Marv and Harry got off the ground and climbed the stairs to chase after Kevin.

"We're gonna fucking kill you, kid!" shouted Marv.

"We'll cut your fucking testicles off, and make you wear them as earrings!" shouted Harry.

As Kevin ran to the attic stairs, Marv and Harry tripped over a piano wire, which was attached between a wall and a stair rail bar.

"Actually, we'll just let him go to the attic for a minute," said Harry, "I'm pretty sure we'll get him cornered easily that way."

Marv and Harry went to Buzz's room, attached a time bomb to the bedroom wall, and turned it on for a couple of hours.

"If we can't steal any shit from this house," said Harry, "I guess we'll destroy part of the house. But that kid will be dead soon."

Meanwhile, Kevin slid down the rope from the attic to a tree-house, with a pair of bike handles. Marv and Harry went to the attic, and noticed that Kevin disappeared.

"Where the fuck did that kid?" said Harry.

"Over here, you law-breaking shitheads!" shouted Kevin, "Come and get me before I call the cops!"

Marv and Harry put their hands on the rope to climb to the tree-house, and Kevin showed a limp lopper in front of the bad guys.

"Merry fucking Christmas, guys," said Kevin, "and a Happy fucking New year in Hell!"

Then, Kevin cut the rope with the limp lopper, and the bad guys screamed and swung to the brick wall. Then, they fell down to the ground.

"I'm calling the cops, you sons of bitches!" shouted Kevin.

Kevin ran to Mitch Murphy's house, and went inside the basement. As Kevin ran to the kitchen door, he opened the door, and got shocked to see the bad guys appear.

"Hi ya pal," said Harry, "Get over here!"

Harry closed the door, and hung Kevin by the shirt on the door.

"Looks like we outsmarted the shit outta ya," said Harry.

"So what the fuck are we gonna do to him, Harry?" yelled Marv, in front of Kevin's face

When Harold the bounty hunter went into the house with a shotgun in his hands, Harry answered to Marv, "Exactly what he did to us. Burn his fucking head with a blowtorch."

"And smash his fucking face with an iron!" yelled Marv.

"And hit him in the fucking face with a paint can!" said Harry.

"And shove a fucking nail through his foot!" yelled Marv.

Harry got out his machete, and said, "The first thing I'm gonna do is cut his arms and legs off a machete. One at a time."

As Harry attempted to cut one of Kevin's arms off, Harold pointed his shotgun at Harry's head and demanded, "Freeze! Put down your weapon!"

Harry dropped his machete on the ground.

"Now, the both of you, get on the fucking ground or I'll blow your fucking heads off," demanded Harold.

Marv and Harry got on the ground, and Harold handcuffed them.

"Are you ok, kid?" Harold asked Kevin.

"I'm okay, sir," answered Kevin.

Harold took Kevin off the door, and put him safely to the ground. Ron came into the house, and noticed the kid being saved and the bad guys arrested.

"Are you Kevin McCallister?" Ron asked Kevin.

"Yes, sir," answered Kevin.

"We're gonna put you on the news, so that your family knows you're alive," said Ron.

Kevin went with the bounty hunters outside, with Marv and Harry who were handcuffed. The eye witness news reporter aired the capture on TV.

At the airport hotel suite, the McCallisters were watching the special news report of the fugitives, who got arrested.

"And so, Kevin has been found to be alive, and he has captured those fugitives," said the reporter.

"Kevin!" shouted Kate, "Thank God! You're alive."

"We've been looking for you guys for a long time," Ron said to the Marv and Harry.

"We don't give a shit," said Marv, "So don't forget us, because we're the motherfucking Wet Bandits."

"Shut the fuck up, Marv!" shouted Harry, as he kicked Marv in the shin.

"Both of you shut the fuck up and get your asses in the paddy wagon," shouted Harold.

"So how does it feel to be alive and kicking as a hero?" the reporter asked Kevin.

"I'm very lucky to be alive," answered Kevin, "But what I want the most is for my family to come back home in time for Christmas."

"No problem," said the reporter, "The FBI agents, Schreck and Weine, will guide your family's way back to your house."

The McCallisters started packing their bags. As Schreck and Weine came into the suite, they have decided to safely lead them out of the hotel, and give them a ride back home to Kevin.

_No death so far, but it may happen in the next chapter. Are Marv and Harry gonna be thrown in jail, before they try to escape? Will the McCallisters make Death disappear before Christmas? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Christmas Eve, Part IV**

So FBI agents, Schreck and Weine, decided that the hotel bill is on them. Then, they drove Peter, Kate, Buzz, Jeff, and Heather safely back home to Kevin, while Kevin was cleaning up all the burglar traps. Kevin finished off his pizza supper afterwards. Suddenly, he heard a car coming in the driveway. Kevin walked out the front door, and found the FBI agents bring his family home.

"Mom? Dad?" Kevin said as he stood in front of his house.

As his parents came out of the FBI van, Kevin ran to them and gave them hugs.

"Merry Christmas, Kevin," said Peter, "I knew you were alive."

"I thought you were dead," said Kate.

"Dead?" asked Kevin, "What made you think I was dead?"

Kevin was unaware of the news about his fake death the whole time.

"We thought you died in that plane, which we were going to take to Paris," said Peter, "Then just this evening, we watched the news report about how you captured those fugitives."

"I see," said Kevin.

"You were such a brave boy," said Kate.

"Hey, Kevin," said Buzz, "At least, you didn't burn down the house."

"I've been fine the whole time, Buzz," said Kevin.

"So what else did you do while we were gone, besides capturing those bad guys?" asked Peter.

"Not much," answered Kevin, "Just been eating Christmas sweets, watching TV, playing Buzz's Xbox 360, and using the Internet."

"You didn't fuck with my save file in Halo 3, did you?" asked Buzz.

"No," answered Kevin, "I actually started my own new game."

"So is this all you done for the past couple of days?" asked Peter.

"I guess so," answered Kevin.

"Come on, everybody," said Peter, "Let's all get back in the house. We have a great Christmas Day coming up."

"Wait a minute," interrupted Kevin, "What happened to Megan, Linnie, Uncle Frank, Aunt Leslie, and those cousins?"

"I hate to say this, Kevin," said Peter, "But they all died."

"I really am sorry to hear that," said Kevin, "But at least, I'm not an orphan."

All the McCallisters went into the living room to watch TV. As a commercial came up after the ending of "Elf" with Will Ferrell, Buzz chose to leave the living room with his bags to go unpack in his bedroom. While Buzz was going up the stairs, the other McCallisters noticed a special report. It was about the bounty hunters, Harold and Ron, who have died in a paddy wagon accident, causing Marv and Harry to escape from custody. In other words, Marv and Harry were on the run to find somewhere to hide, where no law enforcement would find them.

"Oh no," said Jeff, "The bad guys that Kevin caught have escaped. So if a pizza man, a Santa Claus, and two bounty hunters have died, that puts me, Heather, mom, and dad out of the line of death. This all means that the last in line is-"

As Buzz entered his bedroom and noticed the mess Kevin made, Buzz interrupted Jeff.

"KEVIN!" yelled Buzz, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU-"

Suddenly, Marv and Harry's time bomb blew up Buzz's bedroom, getting Buzz killed in the explosion.

All the McCallisters ran up a few steps up the stairs, and noticed Buzz's dead body.

"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Kate.

She cried on Peter's shoulder. Then, some police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances came over to the McCallisters' house. Suddenly, Old Man Marley, his children, and his granddaughter came to the McCallisters, who were standing in front of their house.

"Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen," Marley announced to the McCallisters, "Sorry to see the damage that nature has caused you guys and this house, but my daughter, my son-in-law, my granddaughter, and I were wondering if you would like to spend the night and Christmas Day at our house."

"Yes, we would really love that," answered Kate.

"My children make the best Christmas turkey," said Marley.

Old Man Marley and his family led the McCallisters to their house.

_The next chapter will be about Christmas Day. Some workers may be coming over to fix the damage to the McCallisters' house, but what's the best or worst that could happen? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Christmas Day**

On Christmas morning, Kevin, his family, and Old Man Marley's family got up to open their presents in the house. All the children played with their toys and video games, and they also watched Christmas specials on TV. They played in the snow outside, too.

Later in the afternoon, Old Man Marley called everybody up to the table for Christmas supper. Everyone gathered around the table, and they were amazed at the best big-ass turkey and other gourmet food that Marley has ever made. As everyone held hands around the table, Peter asked, "Kevin, would you like to do the honors?"

Kevin started his prayers.

"Dear Lord," said Kevin, "I would like to thank you for bring the best of my family back in town. I would also like to thank you for having Old Man Marley inviting us over to dinner. As we give thanks to this Christmas supper we are about to feast on, we will remember those people who have died for us this holiday season. We will give our respects to them, and may the Lord have mercy on their souls. Most of all, please wish us all the Merriest Christmas of our lives. Amen."

"That was very nice, Kevin," said Kate.

"Thank you, Mom," said Kevin.

"Excuse me," said Old Man Marley, "I think I forgot to turn off the oven."

"I think I forgot my gloves in the backyard," said Kevin, "I'll be right back."

As Kevin went to the backyard to search for his gloves, Old Man Marley went to the kitchen. As Marley attempted to turn off the oven, it suddenly blew up the house getting everybody killed.

Suddenly, Marv and Harry appeared in front of Kevin in the backyard. The bad guys grabbed Kevin by the arms.

"Merry fucking Christmas, ya little shit," said Harry. "You're coming with us."

"Horrors don't get second chance, kid," said Marv. "And it looks like the Devil has put a curse on this holiday season."

The bad guys dragged Kevin all the way to their stolen van. They tied Kevin up, and threw him into the back of the van.

"The only Christmas present you're going to get is a Happy New Year in fucking hell," said Harry.

Then, the bad guys closed the back doors of the van. They went to the front side, and drove away.

"Guess where we're going, kid," said Harry while he was driving.

Kevin shook his head no, while his mouth was tied with a rag.

"It ain't Disneyland," said Harry, "But it's a land that is far, far away from home."

"Yeah," said Marv, "A place where we're gonna make you pee some fucking blood."

"And if you escape," said Harry, "We'll fucking kill the shit out of you."

Marv and Harry did an evil laugh as they continued the dark road trip.

_So this is how the story ends. The dark ending of the story is similar to the endings of the Freddy and Jason movies. It is often true that horrors do not get second chance, like this one bad guy says in the 2003 movie, "Identity." What could happen beyond this story? Nobody knows right now. That is all for "Home Alone: The Final Destination." _


End file.
